Daydreaming
by pizzoner
Summary: Dans soulmate is dead, and Dan is trying to live without him.


Dan was home alone after he lost him. the sun had start to sunk into the ground a few muinets ago, leaving the sky dark and foggy, just how Dan likes it.

he wanted to try something new, he opened the windowin his room that leads to the roof, got up outside, climbed and jumped on the sat, hugging his legs that were attached to his chest.  
"I really miss you, you know that?" he said, his tone was just over a whisper.  
"why did you have to go?" he looked up at the moon, as the thin air flew in his brown hair.  
"have I done something wrong?" he asked. he looked down and grinned. "of course I did. I always do. I mess up with everything, I messed up with you too." tears start filling his eyes.  
"it was all my fault." that thought ran through Dans mind, making a mess inside his head.  
"IT WAS ALL MY FAULT!" he screamed. he started crying.  
"he couldnt take me anymore so he did it" he mumbled to himself in a cracked voice from the sobbing.  
"I don't blame him, though."  
he tried to relax, he looked at the the moon, imagining, as if he was next to him. daydreaming.

a day passed, Dan was curled up in his passed loves bed, catching his scent. he doesn't feel like getting up, he doesn't feel anything.  
another day has passed. and another. Dan barely ate, he wasnt hungry. he didn't answer his phone calls, he hadnt have what to talk about. he couldnt think about anyhing but nothing.  
another week, but it felt like forever to Dan. he decided to up to the roof again, to the relieving feeling, to the wind.  
he got up at night, when the moon shined bright. he was cold, but he didn't care.  
"do you think people will notice?" he asked.  
"you know exactly what I mean. you asked it yourself, before the "accident"". he growld at the moon.  
"when I'm here, I can feel it." he said. "the reason."  
he closed his eyes and burried his face in his legs, he coulde see him besides him, petting his head, saying to him; "it wasn't your fault," he doesnt listen. he looked at the space next to him, and he was gone, with any of more happiness and hope left in Dan.

he came back inside, in his bed, and fell asleep, and he had this dream. the love of his life, he held his jaw, crying. he said something, but Dan couldn't hear it. everything but him were a blur, and then, something grabbed his lover from his waist, and he was gone.  
again.  
he woke up, breathing heavily. he had this feeling inside. anger, sadness, furstration, confuseness.  
he was in shock, and he couldnt fall back asleep, so he starred at the cealing. he recreated the dream in his mind. "HOW COULD I LET HIM GO?!" he yelled at himself.  
he was angry. he loved him too much to forget thim, and to forgive himself for forgetting.  
and that night, he was sleepless.

the sun shined from outside the window. he pulled the blanket over his face. he couldnt understand the happiness of mornings. birds singing, cars on the roads and children laughing, it was all just white noise.

after he stayed in his bed for a few hours, he got up and sat on the bed, and started thinking all of those sick thoughts.  
"does he even miss me, where ever the fuck hes at?"  
"if he could, would he even want to talk to me like we used to?"  
"of corse not."  
"if it was all the way around, would he be asking himself these questions?"  
"would he miss me that much?"  
"would he even notice I was gone?"  
"how would he"

he made himself cereal when his phone rang. "UGH, I'm not here to answer your fucking calls, assholes!" he threw his phone on the sofa and ate his cereal. he watched some TV but he was zoned out. it felt good, just sitting there and doing nothing, starring at nothing, absaloutly nothing.  
and it made him think.  
"what does he do right now? how does he feel? i know he isen't really thinking about me, but I hope he's just fine. because, I don't want him to be miserable, I want him to be mine."  
his thoughts came on and didn't stop, like rain.  
excepts rain stops.

these thoughts in his head were too much for him, and he needed to take a little break. he climbed up the window to the roof again. the sun was just about to fade into darkness, the sky were pink-orange-purple-blue. it was beautiful, Dan couldn't deny it. now he saw only two things as beautiful. too bad himself isent one of them.  
he kept sitting there, not saying a word. just starring at the moon, missing him to death, and what made him angrier, is the fact that all he could do is to cry about it.  
then it hit him.  
people born, people live, people die.  
it will happen somewhen. doesn't matter when, why or how, and its going to happen to anyone.

he went to the kitchen, and made himself coffee. he drank it, but dazzed out. he was imagining what would happen right now if he was still there with him. asleep, in his arms, his warmth, his love. but he could never love Dan as much as Dan loved him. he'll be honest, whenever he was around, he felt like he was forcing love into him, forcing him to love him. and that makes him feel even worse.  
"thats it" he whispered to himself. "he wasnt happy with me, so he went to a place he could be happy.  
without me."  
tears started falling on his cheeks. "WHY WASN'T HE HAPPY?!" he shouted. "WHEN I WAS WITH HIM, I WAS THE HAPPIEST MAN ALIVE!" he cried.

it has beed three months and Dan couldn't take it.  
so he went to the roof.  
but he wasn't sitting this time.


End file.
